Sexual Addiction Therapy

Is my sexual behavior normal?

Problematic sexual behavior does not necessarily mean that you are a sex addict. There are many other conditions and problems which can cause sexual behavior to get out of control. You might wonder if you have a sexual addiction when you actually have normal behavior. It may take some soul searching and professional help to decide if sex addiction is really the problem.

Definitions and behaviors of sexual addiction

Sexual addiction comes in many different forms. There is no single type of behavior or even amount of behavior that will indicate you are a sexual addict. The problem is much more complex than can be explained in a few words and if you have been living the life of a sex addict, you know how difficult it is to describe what you are experiencing.

Three basic things to consider when you define sexual addiction are:

It is these three "hallmarks" that help to define the boundaries of sexual addiction and compulsivity. The range of behaviors can include masturbation and pornography through sexual exploitation of others. If the three questions are answered "yes," then you may want to seek further help to begin to sort out the complexities of your sexual behavior and find out for certain if sexual addiction is the best descriptor of your problem.

Testing for sexual addiction

Dr. Patrick Carnes was one of first professionals to work with sexually addicted people and he designed the Sex Addiction Screening Test (SAST) to help figure out who has sexual addiction problems and who doesn't. To help you understand sexual addiction and determine if the problem may exist in your life or the life of a loved one, I have included some tests.

Therapy for sexual addiction

Dealing with sexual addiction is in some ways similar to other addiction work yet also has some unique differences. I address both psychosocial, trauma issues and use a task centered approach. In the therapy the client and I work through various tasks addressing such issues as denial, shame, loss, the addiction cycle, relapse prevention, healthy sexuality and more.

Sex Addiction Checklist

The Cyber Sex Addiction Checklist is a set of questions to help you see your sexual activity more clearly. It is an assessment of sexually compulsive or addictive behavior. A high number of YES answers may be a sign of some issues with sex addiction. After using this questionnaire, please consult a trained professional to discuss these issues further.

Heterosexual Male Sexual Addiction Screening Test

The Heterosexual Male Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST) is a set of questions to help you see your sexual activity more clearly. It is an assessment of sexually compulsive or addictive behavior. A high number of YES answers may be a sign of some issues with sex addiction. After using this questionnaire, please consult a trained professional to discuss these issues further.

The Gay Men Sexual Addiction Screening Test

The Gay Men Sexual Addiction Screening Test (G-SAST) is a set of questions to help you see your sexual activity more clearly. It is an assessment of sexually compulsive or addictive behavior. A high number of YES answers may be a sign of some issues with sex addiction. After using this questionnaire, please consult a trained professional to discuss these issues further.

Sexual addiction is defined as any sexually-related, compulsive behavior which interferes with normal living and causes severe stress on family, friends, loved ones, and one's work environment.

Sexual addiction has been called sexual dependency and sexual compulsivity. By any name, it is a compulsive behavior that completely dominates the addict's life. Sexual addicts make sex a priority often more important than family, friends, and work. Sex becomes the organizing principle of addicts' lives. They are willing to sacrifice what they cherish most in order to preserve and continue their unhealthy behavior.

No single behavior pattern defines sexual addiction. These behaviors, when they have taken control of addicts' lives and become unmanageable, include: compulsive masturbation, compulsive heterosexual and homosexual relationships, pornography, prostitution, exhibitionism, voyeurism, indecent phone calls, child molesting, incest, rape, and violence. Even the healthiest forms of human sexual expression can turn into self-defeating behaviors.

Recognition of sexual addiction by the professional health care community

Sexual addiction was first brought to the forefront in Dr. Patrick Carnes' 1983 book, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (CompCare Publishers). Since then, thousands of people have come forward seeking help, and more and more professionals are being trained to identify and treat sexual addiction.

The National Council on Sexual Addiction (NCSA) was created in 1987 to serve as an independent clearing house for information on sexual addiction and treatment options. One of NCSA's missions is to decrease the stigma surrounding sexual addiction problems and treatment. They may be contacted at:

Sexual dependency and other addictions

Sexual addiction can be understood by comparing it to other types of addictions. Individuals addicted to alcohol or other drugs, for example, develop a relationship with their "chemical(s) of choice" -- a relationship that takes precedence over any and all other aspects of their lives. Addicts find they need drugs merely to feel normal.

In sexual addiction, a parallel situation exists. Sex -- like food or drugs in other addictions -- provides the "high" and addicts become dependent on this sexual high to feel normal. They substitute unhealthy relationships for healthy ones. They opt for temporary pleasure rather than the deeper qualities of "normal" intimate relationships.

Sexual addiction follows the same progressive nature of other addictions. Sexual addicts struggle to control their behaviors, and experience despair over their constant failure to do so. Their loss of self-esteem grows, fueling the need to escape even further into their addictive behaviors. A sense of powerlessness pervades the lives of addicts.

Present day sexual behaviors, at times, are mirrors of such a self-alienating process. A person can feel compelled to engage in a host of sexual behaviors. Obsessions with sexual images, compulsions to masturbate or to engage in sex with numerous partners or to avoid physical intimacy may be expressions of an underlying trauma. One's sexual life becomes characterized by a sense of urgency. Freedom of choice is replaced by a chronic sense of shame or obligation. Without intervention, these patterned responses tend to feed upon themselves, gaining more and more control of someone's life. Fortunately, there is hope for sexual recovery. Beneath this destructive cycle is the valiant attempt to heal. The self-alienating behaviors are misguided attempts to re-engage the original injury, the underlying pain.

Most of the above was reprinted with the permission of, Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH).

For more information on the treatment of sex addiction call me in my Raleigh office at (919) 696-4891.